part 24
yesterday i turned 24.
if i had to sum up the theme of this past year in a few words, it’d be things fall apart.
i see firsthand of who i dont wanna be. there is a lot of grief and suffering in my fam. culture and masculinity can be imprisoning.
the silence kills me a little inside.
as difficult and painful it was, it’s part of the process of me becomin who i need to be.
who i’m born to be.
walking a different path gets difficult and tiring.
sometimes i’d rather be suppressin feelins and puttin up walls like in the past. that’s what the larger society would want. i see: be an angry Asian man or a nerdy one. i hear: “breaking down” as opposed to “breaking open”. “emo” has become part of regular vocab among young people under 30. i hate it. it’s a dismissive term that undermines the foundation of bein human, to feel. it’s not coo to be a grown ass man but to be one in perpetual adolescence. “30 is the new 20″. gotta front like we hard. all day.
why should we be surprised that many do not know how to love?
when all we know is how to fight. it seems.
in The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love bell hooks writes,
In dominator cultures most families are not safe places. Dysfunction, intimate terrorism, and violence make them breeding grounds for war. Since we have yet to end patriarchal culture, our struggles to end domination must begin where we live, in the communities we call home. It is there that we experience our power to create revolutions, to make life-transforming change. We already know that men do not have to remain wedded to patriarchy. Individual men have again and again staked a different claim, claiming their rights to life and love. They are beacons of hope embodying the truth that men can love.
pt. 24: things come together.
everythin is in place.
rebuild. reclaim. move sumthin.
to exclaim that we all deserve to live with dignity
while some call for more police
how bout givin people what they need
love of our people is what keeps me moving
to healthy living
and loving
as a young’n
an opening
more risks
more triumphant laughs
no more half-steppin
no regrets
yes
there is strength in sensitivity.
yes. i’m ready.
happy belated born day!
interesting post. i totally agree. people are afraid to FEEL these days. i see it in my students. i see it in the way my husband struggles to pour himself out to me. and i don’t want to see it in my son. i don’t want him to have to be so hard that he can’t cope with being human. it’s a struggle, but the more we talk about it, the more progress can be made.
thank you!
it’s a struggle, indeed. i’m still there myself. unlearning is a very slow process. it’s a huge progress for me cuz i’ve been puttin off talkin about it for a lonnnnnng time. it’s hard to talk about something so heartbreaking.