we’re all in this together

Ma had surgery twice in two months at the close of 07.  one for each hand.  no insurance so she goes to this hospital where ucla med students play doctor on poor people.  the first time went well.  but they fucked up the second time.  first they couldn’t find her vein and was pokin all over the place.  they didn’t do a good job w/ surgery neither, there’s a big ass bump on her hand, look all swollen and everythin.

she complains bout it but ends it w/ “at least they get to practice”.

she accepts it and keeps it movin.  fo real though, she’s the fiercest warrior i know.  the only thing she complains about is not being able to work and calculates the amount of money she’s not makin.  it’s crazy how she’s almost robotic in work ethics yet still able to show so much love.  unconditionally.

main reason she had to get surgery cuz her body’s deterioratin.  after 2 decades of carrying trays and shit, it caught up to her.  she broke her wrist a yr or two ago and still kept workin, thinkin it’s not a big deal and it’ll heal itself.  after 2 decades, America is not home for her.  she longs to retire in Thailand.

my cuz recently came from Thailand and lives w/ the fam now.  she’s a masseuse.  two hands ain’t enough to count the number of times she was expected to give sexual services.  she’s traumatized and disgusted by that shit.

hearing shit like “you’re a Thai girl, that’s what you do”.

and this is comin from men in every color.  she once told me that life’s too hard sometimes and she wouldn’t wanna live pass 50.  she turns 29 this yr.

a loved one once told me when she was visitin Thailand, a white guy groped her cuz he thinks he’s entitled to it.

in typical male fashion, my immediate reaction to all these stories is anger.  it’s a vicious cycle.  Sonia Sanchez said it best,

“what i have stumbled on in this country is a battle for us all to be human”.

it’s a fuckin battle to be human ya’ll.  all these isms (capitalism, sexism, etc), all interconnect in a giant fucked up web that serve to deprive our humanity, the way we perceive ourselves and others.  which is why some men claimin they’re down for the revolution but don’t ever question their own sexist/homophobic tendencies.  which is why some women believe sex can be power when they’re simply adopting the oppressive status quo values.  again, vicious cycle.

a loved one came to the realization that he’s never gonna go to a strip club. apparently the pool hall was next to a strip club (it was a sketchy area…). women who worked nxt door would come in and hang out at the bar in the pool hall.

at one point an older guy asked a young lady, “so are you happy with your life?”
she said, “yea…i am”.
she inhales her cig then turned her head towards the direction where my friend was.
they stared at each other for a brief moment.
according to him, they both shared a sad look in their eyes. from that brief moment, he saw her humanity.

as men we’re conditioned to be one dimension cartoon characters: drink/fight/fuck/consume/conquer-repeat.  it bleeds into every aspect of our lives, even our language is oppressive (?: how many people actually question the meaning behind the B word).  but we are human first and foremost.  and in this context, part of being human is reppin yo culture.  again from Sonia,

“when you begin a journey of identity for liberation, you find yourself and others who have been vanished too or who have hidden their eyes from themselves”.

we are essentially the same yet our differences make us beautiful.  and we are born ready.  it’s just modern society is set up to profit from our misery and suffering.  this shit’s set up to divide us, to blind us from seein that everythin is connected and everythin affects us.  everythin affects us.  iraq war ain’t endin anytime soon cuz muhfuckas makin too much bank to let it end.  US dollar is weak.  economy’s fucked.  global climate crisis.  genocides. list goes on.

even still.

i hope.  i continue dreamin of better worlds.  i still believe in collective action.  cynicism is bein complicit w/ the system.  so it’s important to find reasons to celebrate.  there’s always reasons to celebrate as long as you’re alive.  this poetry is secondary at this point.  gots to put in work first.  and it’s gonna take more than a new regime to change shit but hey it’s sumthin.  like every other person, i don’t got my shit together.  i have visions of how it could be.  and i’ve seen beauty in many others to let the ugliness of a few get to me.  it’s important that i always remember the past.  remember to laugh.  make every word count like it’s my last.  and mos def keep dancin.  it’s all a struggle but it’s all part of the process.  i do know this: i wanna love others the way my parents love me.  unconditionally.

until i get my words/thoughts together into a neat artist statement i just wanna echo Sonia Sanchez one mo time:

“one of my missions as a writer/educator has been to eradicate/erase the aura of the educated class while cherishing the creative power of learning…one of my missions has been to celebrate the red black gums, corn cob smoking, nodding, staring people who were never considered poetic but we gave them life, form, and beauty”

we’re all in this together.